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Saturday, 10 October 2015

Wife in coma

पत्नी ICU में थी। पति का रो-रोकर बुरा हाल था। डॉक्टर बोला, ‘हम पूरी कोशिश कर रहे
हैं, पर वह कुछ बोल ही नहीं रही है। शायद कोमा में है। अब तो सब कुछ भगवान के
हाथ में है।’
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पति बोल उठा, ‘सिर्फ 40 की ही तो है अभी...’
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तभी पत्नी के होंठ हिले और आवाज आई,‘38 की।’

Mind change

Wife: I have changed my mind.



Husband : Is it working now?

No sex tonight.. Pure veg

No Sex Tonight!

Ive never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing
or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example…One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, but then she said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, high-end department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a tsunami. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. But, I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She appeared to be almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear; let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man, enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either…

Gold medal

अगर ये ताश का खेल ओलिंपिक में शामिल हो जाये
तो
माँ कसम 10 या 20 गोल्ड मैडल तो ये पार्क में बैठने वाले बूढ़े ही ले आएँगे।

Another riddle

Solve the reasoning if u can !

Laloo has two son . Tej and tejaswi . Please dont get confused with name "Tej". In reality they both are illiterate ( student of clas 9) only as mentioned in affidavit. As per father laloo , tejaswi is younger than tejpratap . But legal document says tejaswi is elder one. Also according to rabri ( great angoothachap wife of laloo) she has a daughter between tej n tejaswi . Its given that tejaswi is 26 and tej is 25 . Find out the age of daughter!
Hint: science says that there cant be two deliveries in one year! Although we agree that laloo has 11 child, he might hav forgotten ki kaun kab kaise hua.

Menu order

एक हरियाणवी छोरा अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड ने 5 स्टार होटल मे रोटी खवान लेग्या,,,,,
छोरा वेटर ने बला के बोल्या : Sir, With due respect, I beg to say that I am ill so I can not come to school. Kindly grant me Tea for 2 plz.

वेटर के कुछ खास समझ नी आया पर फेर बी ओ 2 ग्लास चा ले आया

गर्लफ्रेंड: आए हाए तेरी अंग्रेजी,,

छोरा बोल्या:- बस ईतने मे ए मेरी फेन होगी, जे तनै मेरा पानी वास्ते "Thirsty Crow" अर रोटियां खातर "Greedy Dog" सून लिया नी तू तो जमा ऐ बावली हो जै गी!😝😝

Broke news gradually

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

Her husband said: The cat just died.

She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?

Husband: She is playing on the roof.

Intelligent Admin

एक भैंस मोबाइल निगल गई !
अब जैसे ही मोबाइल की " रिंग "
बजती ,
भैंस तो तूफान मचाना शुरू कर देती !!
सभी परेशान , आखिर क्या किया जाए ...

आखिरकार एडमिन ने ,
सलाह दी :
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भैंस को " कवरेज क्षेत्र " से बहार ले
जाओ !
इसे कहते है " Intellectuality". ऐसे हरकोई एडमिन थोडे़ ही बन सकता है ।

गर्व है हमे हमारे admin पर😜😂😄

May I go out

साधारण लोग: सुसु जाना हैं.



गुलज़ार साहब-

मचलती हैं पेट में कुछ लहरें सी,
लगता हैं इन्हें किसी किनारे का इंतज़ार हैं.
😆😆😂😂

New account

अंगूरी भाभी- मेरे पति ने मेरा नया बैंक खाता खुलवाया हैं........
विभूति - अरे वाह ...
कौन से बैंक में ??
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अंगूरी - ए चड्डी ए फसी !!!
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विभूति बेहोश होते होते बचा ...
और बोले........
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अरे भाभी वो ए चड्डी ए फसी नहीं
HDFC हैं .......
अंगूरी भाभी - सही पकड़े हैं।।।।

New punishment

इससे ज्यादा बेरहमी की इन्तहा और क्या होगी ग़ालिब बाप ने लड़के को पीटने की बजाय उसका नेट कनेक्शन बंद करा दिया ।.

5 crore ki lottery

Ek लडकी की 5 करोड़
की लाटरी निकली..
कंपनी ने सोचा..
अचानक बताया तो लड़की
ख़ुशी से मर सकती है..
कंपनी ने एक बूढ़े बाबा को
ये काम दिया कि लड़की को
ऐसे बताओ की वो ख़ुशी से
मर न जाये !
बूढ़े बाबा ने जाकर उस लड़की
से कहा “सोचो अगर तुम्हे
5 करोड़ का ईनाम निकले
तो तुम क्या करोगी ?”
लड़की बोली..
“बाबा मैं … मैं
आप से शादी कर लुंगी, और जिन्दगी भर आपको प्यार करूँगी...
और यही नहीं आधा ईनाम
भी आपको दे दूंगी !”
साला बाबा ही ख़ुशी से मर गया..

Marriage training

Boy: Daddy I want to marry ...

Dad: First say sorry..

Boy: For what, without any of my mistake?

Dad: You first say sorry ...

Boy: But what's my fault?

Dad: You first say sorry ...

Boy: BUT WHY???

Dad: You first say sorry ...

Boy: Please, atleast tell me a reason???

Dad: You first say sorry ...

Boy: Ok, I am sorry

Dad: Now you are ready, your training is complete. When you learn to say sorry without any reason, you can marry

20-20 exam

Doctor: Aap Ki Kidney Fail Hogyi
Hai.
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Patient: Wah! Wah!
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What A Joke Meri Kidney To
Kabhi,
School Gayi Hi Nahi.

Kidney fail

Doctor: Aap Ki Kidney Fail Hogyi
Hai.
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Patient: Wah! Wah!
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What A Joke Meri Kidney To
Kabhi,
School Gayi Hi Nahi.